Jobbing

As any responsible philosophy major does after graduation, I moved back in with my parents. I sleep on a futon in my brother’s room, eat everything in the fridge, and drink my dad’s beer.

“You need to start paying rent,” Dad told me after the second straight evening of going through his Racer 5 IPAs. “Three hundred bucks a month.” I looked at him with a raised eyebrow and wondered out loud how the hell I was supposed to conjure up three hundred dollars a month. “By getting a fuggin’ job, that’s how.”

“Ah,” I mumbled, “the j-word.”

I put on my job helmet and my job gloves, sat down on the job couch, opened up my job computer, and typed “jobs around Palos Verdes” into the Google search bar. The first website to pop up was monster.com, which gave me a list of jobs I could pick up. Most of the listings required two to five years of entry-level experience for entry positions. The others were pyramid schemes. I closed the page and went back to see what other options Google had to offer. The second suggested link was for Craigslist.

Craigslist contained a list of openings for jobs. One read, “Looking for full-time, professional cleaner. Paid in cash — no English or documents preferred.” I figured that the person who posted the listing wasn’t looking for someone like me. Another read, “Earn $195,000 in first year! Fool-proof way to start your career!” I clicked on the link, and upon discovering that it didn’t involve cooking meth in the middle of the desert, I guessed that their proposal was unlikely to yield the advertised income. After scrolling through several pages of scams, spam, pyramid schemes, and “Salesperson: Miracle Creams!”, I closed my job laptop, took off my job helmet and gloves, and got off the job couch to go look for some job beers in the fridge.

“How’s the job search looking?” My dad asked. I replied that it had been pretty shitty so far. “Welcome to the real world.”

Welp. At least the fridge is stocked.

 

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15 thoughts on “Jobbing

  1. Suggestions: 1. Starbucks. I understand one of them is the COTKU. 2. Do you like dogs? People like me would pay good money ($25/hour) to people like to you come to my house, pick up my dogs, and take them for a walk while I’m at work. (Do you like dogs?) 3. Go to the businesses near where you live, walk in, and ask if they need part time help. At least it would be close. 4. Maybe your dad will pay you some IPAs to help him in his office ; do some filing, organize, help him out. GOOD LUCK!!!!

    1. I’ve actually started work at a tutoring center a couple of weeks ago (the chronology of what’s happening in my life isn’t always the same as what I post on the blog), so jobbing has been taken care of… for now. Regardless, thank you for taking the time out of your day for your suggestions!

      Cheers,

      Hans

  2. Dear Junior,

    I have some Magical Mason Jars that need to be transported. The downside is if you are caught with these gems in your possession, you can add “felonious philosophy graduate” to your curriculum vitae 🙂

    With love,
    Aunt Sherri

  3. Count your blessings and be glad your dad has such great taste in beer. Our frig had Budweiser and Miller LIte. Probably why I finally left.

  4. Find a small apartment building to manage. Anything over 16 units has to have an onsite manager. That takes care of rent. Find some catering gigs or work in a restaurant. That takes care of food. Then get your brother to teach you how to brew beer and you are set for life.

  5. Blogging could be your job 😉 put your gloves back on and figure out how! You are a great writer and person… just have to find the right person to see that. I would make a list of websites, magazines, etc. who could benefit from your excellent writing skills. Best of luck!

    1. Hi Anca!! Feliz Lunes!

      Thanks for the ego-boost. I’ve got a day job (for now), but I’ll definitely look into avenues to get my stuff published. Hope all is well!

      Cheers,

      Hans

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