The Weekend Schnitzel: Austrians Bemoan Lack of Integration, Hurl Slurs at Immigrants to Speed Up Process

 

Willagedorf, Austria – After a narrow victory by the Green Party’s Alexander Van der Bellen in the recent Austrian presidential election, Austrians who had voted for the Freedom Party’s candidate Norbert Hofer took the time to express their frustration and explain their reasons for having supported Mr. Hofer to The Weekend Schnitzel.

 

“Some of my friends have called me racist for supporting Mr. Hofer, but I don’t think that’s fair. I don’t dislike immigrants. I don’t dislike Muslims. In fact, I even have a friend who is a Muslim immigrant,” Patricia V. Urteil told our correspondents. Ms. Urteil, who works as a waitress at one of the town’s popular gasthöfe, blamed the lack of integration by the immigrants into Austrian society on her decision to vote for Mr. Hofer in the election.

 

“It’s just that – if those dirty Muslim Ausländer did more to integrate and embrace Austrian culture, I doubt I would have had to resort to voting for Mr. Hofer. I mean, look at me – do I look or sound like a racist to you?”

 

Ms. Urteil’s neighbors in her town of Willagedorf, a quaint hamlet located in southern Burgenland, shared her opinions on the matter.

 

“It’s really a shame, the election results. I thought that Mr. Hofer as the president of our country would have turned this refugee situation around in a heartbeat,” spoke Mr. Reinhardt Schloch. Mr. Schloch, an active member of the Freedom Party and its village spokesperson, described how Mr. Hofer’s presidency would have provided the final solution to Austria’s refugee problem, an issue the country has been dealing with since the beginning of last year.

 

“Mr. Hofer, during his campaign, did wonders to speed up the integration process because he told it like it was. He wasn’t afraid of the leftist PC agenda. When he called the immigrants for what they were – you know, terrorists, rapists, and criminals – it forced the immigrants to take a good look at themselves. ‘Is this who I really want to be?’ ‘Do I want to keep leading this life of crime, or should I try to do better and adapt to the country I am in?’

 

“Honestly, it’s quite a disappointment that that process was cut so short,” sighed Mr. Schloch. “Not to sound racist, but it would’ve done those Kameltreiber some real good.”

 

Mrs. Matratzen, the wife of Willagedorf’s mayor, spoke at length with The Weekend Schnitzel in the village’s only café on the responsibilities of the immigrants.

 

“Austrians were gracious enough to let these filthy immigrants into our country. Now it’s their job to learn our beautiful language, leave behind their sand-covered culture, join our cultivated social circles, and do their best to integrate.

 

“They can’t – and shouldn’t – expect us to do all the work of integration for them. We’re already doing as much as we can.”

 

At the time The Weekend Schnitzel was leaving the café, Mrs. Matratzen could be heard hard at work pushing integration and calling a Middle Eastern passer-by an “Asylbetrüger.”

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