Speech Bubbles, Pt. III

“What’s your name? No, your name can’t be Hans. I don’t believe your name is Hans – you’re Chinese.”


“Are you voting for Hillary or Clinton?”


“Why not Trump? I don’t think he’s really that bad. Okay, fine, maybe he is.”


“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“I do!”

“And what is she?”


“I don’t think it makes a difference if Hillary or Trump is president. They are both puppets, controlled by people above them. They are marionettes. Like, Apple controls Hillary, and Google controls Donald, for example. The corporations run the presidential office. I watched a video about all of this on YouTube.”


“What’s another thing you guys know about the United States?”

“People are fucking at fifteen.”


“Do you have any friends?”


“What is this word, ‘blowhard’? Because I think I know what it means.”

“Hans, please ignore Jacob. The only time he gets a blowhard is in his dream.”


“And what do you guys know or have heard about Obama?”

“He is president.”

“He is black.”

“He is America’s black, first president.”


“What is your dream?”

“My dream is to begin studying at the University of Vienna after this year to become an English teacher here in Austria.”

“That is a pretty gay dream.”


“I don’t like speaking English. I speak with an accent, and it sounds very dumb. It is very embarrassing. I hate speaking English.”


“Do you like Anime? Do you read Mangas? Can you just tell us about Japan instead of America?”


“What do you like about Vienna?”

“Well, it’s beautiful, it’s clean—”

“Ha! Vienna! Clean! Hans, you are very funny.”


“Do you have a car?”

“I don’t, actually.”

“Man, you are poor. Just like us.”


“Why would you like to move to America?”

“So I can be rich. I hear, in America, I do not pay my taxes.”


“We love elections in Austria. We love it so much we are doing it all over again.”


“What’s your name? How do I write your name? ‘K-Lan’? Like W-LAN?”

“And I am his twin brother, but you can just call me ‘Password.’”


“And what would you like to learn about the United States?”

“Nothing. They dropped bombs on Serbia. I hate America.”


“Are you a real American?”



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